Mom's diary - 6. 8. 2011 / What's your problem, bitch?

 

[ Before I write my diary, I need to warn beforehand that there will be frequent use of vulgar words, including F-words. So anybody who's not so comfortable with these words, just close it. You don't have to read it. ]

I'm in the turmoil of negative feelings right now, and I don't want to screw my mood and spoil my evening any longer by some kind of arrogant, idiot woman that I met in the shoe store in the downtown, Montreal. The only way that I can vent properly is writing. So here I am, sitting by the desk, typing my small Netbook keyboard crazily, and steaming out my anger.

This is how my story begins. It was relatively pleasant afternoon considering the weather forecast had announced it would be 38°. Initially I wanted to stay in the neighborhood but sooner, I changed my mind. SL and I had a peaceful brunch at the café ARhoma, and headed to Place-des-arts to see what's happening there. We had fun walking underground city in the center of Montreal. I truly appreciated how lucky we were. It was hot and humid outside, so I was determined to stay indoor with A/C.

When I checked the time, it was 3: 30 P.M. Soon it would be the rush hour so I needed to hurry up to back to condo. There, SL saw the sparkling shoes in the shoe store, and my eyes got widened when I saw the sign "rabais 50% tout"(discount 50% all items) on its show-window.

It was pretty crowded - lots of young ladies trying different shoes, the saleswoman bringing other shoes that their potential clients had asked for. It was hectic if I have to use a one word, but I was determined to buy new sandal in this store. As I tried different styles of sandals, my "shoe lover" SL didn't give up trying for herself either. She pulled out all kinds of sparkling ones and tried them on and looked herself into a mirror. It was fun time together, and honestly I didn't think her actions would bother other people.

Here, I need to point out the facts - she is not even 4 years old yet, she likes to see herself in a mirror, and she didn't make any noise or mess in the store. After she tried one sandal and moved to another, I put them back a.s.a.p. I'm not that kind of selfish, ignorant mom who doesn't care about her kids' behavior in the public.
I DO CARE ABOUT OTHERS. I concern my child's behavior in the public all the time. This is one of the important lessons that I have to teach my child- in order to survive in the society with other human being, unless she decides to live in the inhabited island all alone- she needs to practice how to have fun without disturbing others.

Back the the scene, I found really nice purple sandal on my size. Knowing the fact that it's rare to find 5 1/2 shoes, I believed this was my chance. And, I was about to tell the clerk that I would buy it.

   Suddenly, I heard a woman's screaming. "Ahhoooo!!"
   I quickly checked SL, and she was perplexed.
   My quick sense told me that she stepped on this woman's toe while running toward me. With no time, I apologized, "Oh..I'm so sorry. My daughter wasn't being careful."

   "Look at this toe! Look!!"
This woman raised her voice as loud, her eyes widened as possible and she was about to eat me up. She lifted her foot on the foot stool, and pointed at her skinned-off pinky toe. It wasn't bruised, bled or broken. For a second, I thought she was really good actor. Her exaggeration level was equal to the Hollywood class. She made all fuss about and started to being dramatic in the middle of the store.

   "Hum? Do you see this toe? Do you? Is this your child?" She continued to yell at me.
   "I'm really sorry. Sou Lynn, please apologize to this lady for stepping her foot." I still managed to be polite.

   "What? I don't need her saying sorry. It's YOU! YOU ARE THE MOM, and IT'S YOUR FAULT!"
   You let your child run around, and that's why I got this!  YOU ARE HER MOM, SO WATCH YOUR KIDS!" Ok? You are her mom! Watch your kids!"

I couldn't believe what I just heard. It was way beyond of my expectation. With my mouth being opened, it took few seconds to register what this crazy bitch accusing me. Her voice tone was 100% to draw all the people's attention around us. This crazy bitch and I became the center of entertainment.

I've heard, I've seen, I've read so many stories of making moms feeling bad, this was the hardcore situation which I've never thought I would face. This few seconds of high tension, my voices in me fought each other.

However, I didn't pull out this nasty words in front of her. The main reason was being with my daughter, I couldn't burst out my spontaneous anger in front of her, although I felt like punching her face straight. "Paw, paw!!!" I would feel really good, then I would face the consequences of making bad choice. Frankly, I regret being polite at the beginning and wasting my expensive smile to this worthless shit. My kindness is not for this narrow-minded, selfish, ignorant shitty folks.

'Shut up, bitch! If you saw the child running around the store, why didn't you go around? You don't have fucking eyes to see this little one? Fuck you, who the hell are you telling me that it's my fault? Shut the fuck up, you crazy bitch! Do you think I'm the easy one to play with? Huh? Do you think I'm that naive to take all shits from your mouth? You are doing this on purpose because I'm Asian, right? You, racist! Why don't you go fuck yourself and be miserable on your own! You worthless, mean human piece! Your mouth is just piece of rag, you dirty bitch!'

I try to be nice and gentle to others, but the truth is I'm not that kind and gentle. My smile and kindness comes from what I believe in. I believe in goodness in people, and peace. But this world is running by all kinds of people, who doesn't necessarily think the same way how I think.

   This is the end of scene.
   "I guess you don't have any experience with kids." I answered and turned around from that ugly bitch, and told SL, "you know what? there are some people like this! This is fine!" I showed her a smile. This smile wasn't easy one to bring up, because I felt like screaming, and pulling out that bitch's hairs. But I had to do what I had to do. I had to make sure my SL didn't get any shock from this crazy episode. I still felt other eyes around me, but I kept smiling at my daughter and gracefully put back my purple sandal, and asked SL, " did you have fun?"
   Then we walked out slowly still smiling, as if nothing happened, as if nothing bothered me, as if I didn't care.


   Now, I don't want to end my day being mad at someone who's worthless think of. She probably was having a bad day, she wouldn't generally act like such a bitch, but it doesn't mean she has the right to vent on any people. I'm still trying to think if there was any other way around to solve this issue.
   All I can think is this is how I should have told her, "I sincerely apologized and if this isn't enough for you, that's not my business. And, don't you ever tell anybody a child's behavior is mom's fault. You obviously don't have any clue what it's like."

   I'm done being angry. I pulled out angers and frustrations as much as I could and now I'm really fine. I will sleep peacefully. Tomorrow will be another day of adventure and fun for us!