Mind sketching on Saturday morning

Mind sketch 

Sun Hee Yoon 

I look up the sky and it's gray. All the winter tree branches are trembling once again from severe Chicagoan wind. I felt the warmth of wind yesterday but I guess it's too early to be exiceted of spring's visit. I felt trees were happy to have gentle and warm breeze, finally the long and dreadful winter is coming to end. All day they were slow-dancing in a music of sunbeam until it curtains down with burning sunset.  However, this morning I feel their disappointment. I can see their downcast shoulders over my livingroom window. 

"Be patient.." I hear the mother tree tells the baby ones, with her gentle and soothing voice.  

"The winter is on his way for long sleep. Soon, we will grow our new buds of leaves, and before you notice it will be green beds of young tree leaves everywhere."

"But, Mom!! All the snow has gone, and Mrs. Robbin went out for a walk with her kids yesterday! I can't wait for spring." 

"I know, My children. I understand how you feel. But we shouldn't be fooled by wicked winter wind. They are very tricky and they know what we want. It's no use to fight against the evil nature. All we need to do is be patient and wait until the time is right."

"When?? When will it be, Mom??"

The mother tree smiles at the impatient treelets, "You will know, my children. You will know." 

I feel what they feel. I hear what they talk. I see what others don't see. I write what my heart tells me to write.

This is Saturday morning and I fly all over the places with my imagination. There is no limit that I can't visit - I can visit to Korea where my mom is sleeping by now. I will lay down myself next to her and feel her heartbeat. I'd love to touch her no-makeup face and stroke down gently. I'd love to hold her rough hands and feet, hoping it soothes her cracked skin. I'd love to write a note saying, 엄마 사랑해요. 

I believe this hard-to-control emotion is spurring my tear glands. I can't restrain myself but by writing, I can feel free. 

Writing has been my psychological, emotional therapy and by doing this, I can heal myself from pain. The pains in my heart and continious poisons in a life are less likely to stop. Maybe, we humans are born to be suffering from birth to death. My mortal fate was doomed since the beginning. But I'm trying to fight the gravity. Some says it's useless effort, but I believe I'm born to fight against the forces which bring me down. 

I'm a warrior rather than a soldier, who fights with her own dignity without having orders from upper ground.  I seek wise and healthy outlet to survive for a long term. I train myself to sacrifice short term desire but wait for a chance to jump high. No..I like making my own path instead of following others. It's not because I'm better than others, I am not that arrogant person. I feel there are so many things to learn from people, especially the young and old. I'm realizing new things every day and it's my pure joy. That's really fun part of  getting old - I can understand better about things.

I'm not afraid of getting old, in fact I can't wait to see myself at the age of 50, 60 and 70 as long as I breathe and write. I try not to dwell in the past, but live in the present, and most importantly - always be excited about future.

I still don't know who I am. It's gonna be a long journey to find out who I am, maybe I will never figure it out until I leave this world. But I know this inner searching has proved so many great things in me already and I can say I enjoy the air with every single breath I take and I'm delighted to be part of this world.   

A letter to my dear friend, Stacey

I have to blink my eyes so that my tears dry up. I can't drain my tears before finishing my letters to you. After reading your letters to me, my feelings toward you overflowed and I know I need to write a letter back.

My dear friend Stacey. 

This beautiful midnight on mid-March, I just finished reading chapter 6 of The Liar's club by Mary Karr. I had  trouble to connect the story few days ago and this time, I wanted to force myself to finish it. Not because it's a discussion piece in Memoir class which I'm attending next Tuesday, but I wanted to listen to her story. 

Whenever I hear stories from people, any people, I try to imagine their life and try to feel what they must have felt during that period. When people say something, especially when they write about it, it's because they think about it more often. At least, it is true in my case. There are certain things, events or memories lingering in my brain and I can't help myself but talk or write about them. 

Tonight, I'm thinking of you, my friend. I have mixed feeling whenever I think of you. Recently, the feeling of guilt has grown since I heard that you are moving to Boston in August. I felt like I'm ineligible to be called your friend.

I blamed myself not being so close since you moved to Springfield. I could call you at least once a week, I could e-mail you once a month, I could drive down to Springfield since I got my driver license. I could do all of these things but I couldn't do any of these. I don't want to highlight my lame excuses such as my writing classes and SL's all kinds of classes and play-dates. I just want you to know how I think of you, whenever I want to call your name.  

Do you remember when you told me that you were moving to Springfield in August, 2009? Do you remember my face and tears? My heart was wrenching by shocking news. There were so many words, and talks that I wanted to share. But I didn't know where to start. My words couldn't convey fully what I had felt then. 

You've seen me for more than a year by then, since we met in spring 2008 at Lincoln-Belmont library. We visited there individually, pushing our girls' stroller. No matter how we can describe our first encountering, I still believe it was strong force of destiny which we were meant to be collided, in right time, right place. 

I clearly remember how desperate I was to meet new friends in new town, and I wasn't confident to speak English in public place. When I finally got confidence to visit local library, by the way, I had to make sentences beforehand to ask a librarian concerning story time for little ones. As you know, I was scared to talk to anybody and I didn't want to make myself embarrassed and get reddish face. I wanted to be natural even if I couldn't understand their fast speed sentence, I wanted to try. 

There, you showed up right behind me. 

"Oh! There is a story time at Barns & Nobles on Clybourn. If you wanna go there, I can give you a lift and  take our girls together." 

Stacey..you were there. You were there to lift my spirit and gave me an assurance that someone from somewhere listens to my feeble voice.

How can I forget your first sentence that you ever talked to me? You lighted up my life with your gentle and warm kindness in the darkest time. You listened to me whenever I underwent intense stress and isolation throughout the toughest time of my life. You understood me and felt my pain as if you were the other side of me. You taught me how to laugh, how to enjoy the moments although I felt like I was dying. 

You are a genuine person who shines everybody around you spirit bright.

You are an intelligent person who can speak up ideas and thoughts so fluently.

You are the most generous, thoughtful and kind person I ever met. 

You also taught me that I shouldn't litter the a garbage piece on the alley. 

I'm extremely lucky to know a wonderful person, Stacey Grant. I want you to know one thing which matters to me the most- you reside in my deepest heart, and you will be there forever.  I love you. 

Sun Hee 

The Art of War

The Art of War has been applied to many fields well outside of the military. Much of the text is about how to fight wars without actually having to do battle: it gives tips on how to outsmart one's opponent so that physical battle is not necessary. As such, it has found application as a training guide for many competitive endeavors that do not involve actual combat.



During the Sengoku era in Japan, a daimyo named Takeda Shingen (1521–1573) is said to have become almost invincible in all battles without relying on guns, because he studied The Art of War.[19] The book even gave him the inspiration for his famous battle standard "Fūrinkazan" (Wind, Forest, Fire and Mountain), meaning fast as the wind, silent as a forest, ferocious as fire and immovable as a mountain.

  

     知己知彼，百戰不殆。

If you know both yourself and your enemy, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.