Mom's diary - 12.23. 2010

 It's Christmas season.
You knew it and I felt it at the shopping center this morning.
Since your dad's vacation started today, we went shopping all together.
We also expected lots of people would go shopping today, so we hurried as fast as we could.
Unfortunately, we couldn't escape from traffic. But have you noticed the interesting fact?
Your dad's reaction has been improved of dealing horrible traffic.
It was truly pleasant to see how your dad's mind can be changed on something we can't control.
I don't think you'd remember but your dad was one of millions people who couldn't stand at traffic, shouted at crazy drivers. Oh.. yes..He was. Big time. He was out of control whenever he faced lined up cars ahead of him. If I started to write the details, I wouldn't be able to share this with your dad. ;) So, I'll keep them between me and him.

 Now, I see different side of your dad.
I think he's understanding that there's no point of wasting his energy on something he can't control.
The idea is pretty simple but to adapt it in actual life can be challenging, which means you have to give up your old habit.
Changing old habit to new, fresh, somewhat ideal one is NOT easy.
Believe me. There are thousands of millions of people know what's right thing for them, but once their old habit settled in them, it's really, really , REALLY hard to change it.
'Knowing it' and 'doing it' are very different categories.
Learning knowledge is passive. But participating and doing in action is active process and you need to go through  lots of thinking process as well.

 Anyway, I was very proud of your dad, being a patient and pleasant driver in the middle of insanities.
After all these years, I can finally see what I wanted to see from him. :) I was very happy indeed.

 After dropping by 4 different places plus traffic , all 3 of us got exhausted. As usual, I regretted not having breakfast again. This is my old habit and I know I have to change it for the good consequences but still I hardly follow.
When I am hungry, I get easily tired and easily get frustrated and vent on simple thing. I've been through same thing thousands of times, so logically I should know better by now but somehow it's still challenging.
 'Why?? Why is it so hard to fix old habit and try new ones and stick to what I need??'

My daughter,
I just wanted to let you know that your mom is not perfect.
I make countless mistakes. Even worse, I repeat the same mistakes although I know it's wrong.
I don't know how can I change my old routine? my old ideas? my bitter attitude on specific things?

Knowledge.. is sometimes a piece of paper to me...
Getting more knowledge is not helping much to live better or happier.
To be a better person than 'Me in the yesterday' is tough.
It's tough..