오랫만의 휴일다운 휴일

정말 간만에 집에서 참~ 잘 쉬었다.

The search of reason of being.

I used to question a lot why I'm here, well, more clearly, I wanted to make connection of being where I belong. I think (it's very abstractive.) a life tries to tell me constantly the purpose of living on where I am dwelling.

In the past, I used to complain a lot where I belonged, the place I lived and the time I had to be stuck, no escape. And I know now even that horrible time( at that time how I felt generally) was constantly trying to tell me and giving me a clue that I'm only learning a lesson.

I was a student of life and I am still a student of life. The subject of learning is quite different but I have better insight to deal with problems because I'm willing to be patient and learn.

Today, I felt something good that life taught me. Although I have same routine on daily base, life makes difference when I am motivated by myself. It seems always coming from my heart and my perspective.

For example, I really wanted to stay home and get rest since I've been very busy on Mon, Tue, doing lots of activities for my little one. I thought it was fair for me to have little break, some kind of reward of being good mom. However, seeing my girl's bored-some face wasn't quite what I expected.

who told that we always have choices in every single moment of life?

In a second, I've decided to dedicate my day for my daughter than my own relaxation. Since I've made my mind, it was easier to move my lazy body than I thought. So as she wanted we went to park before lunch, and came back home to have lunch with her sweet loving daddy and did errands at home quickly and packed up to meet one of my friend and her son at the outdoor park swimming pool and stayed about 2 hours, seeing my girl's having great time.

After all these task were done, it was time to conclude my day. I felt extremely fruitful and accomplished and just happy. It was kind of self- satisfaction, really. Good job to me!

Poverty in the midst of Plenty.

There was a time that I was hoping if I'm out of this small home town, I would be extremely happy. That was 7 years ago already. It was tough time and I couldn't see bright future ahead of me. Everything was blocked that I barely could breathe.

Now, it's been 7 years since then and I am out of my little hometown , it seems to me I have everything that I wished for. I guess I ought to be grateful on everything occurs to me right now but the fact is I'm not always happy.

Recently I was wondering about what is happiness? Why can't I be happy all the time?

When I become happy finally then sooner or later the feeling is gone. Why doesn't it last long?Am I too fickle? or Don't I know how to be appreciated??

Once those made me happy, it doesn't work same way anymore.

Why being happy is so complicated?

Are we supposed to live to struggle to find happiness all our life time??

The bottom line of my feeling is when I'm not happy or when I'm not fulfilled of myself, I am lost. When I feel lost, I lost my control of my conscious and I feel like I'm day dreaming most of time.

Someone told me that happiness comes from within. I agree with that.