Le Papillion

Le Papillion 

Sun-Hee Yoon 

A beautiful creature God created,
She's the evidence of God's existence.

She started her life from a tiny egg on a green leaves.
She's born. She has eaten, slept and played.
Life seems to be easy and joyful until the moment she would be in chrysalis.

A protection or a probation,
the comfort or the darkness-
No matter what it was
She needed to stay until she grew older.

Growing up in the darkness,
her wings all folded,
her legs and antennae were feeble,
she must have twitched in the glossy green sac.

Warm sunshine laid on her little room,
It's time to move out, she says.
It's time to spread your wings, she speaks gently.

Slowly she wiggles out of the deadened zone.
She dries her wet wings, stretches her folded legs and antanee.
Now her beautiful wings are nice and shiny.
She is ready to take off.

*   *   *   

 

Miracle

When hope would otherwise become hopelessness, it becomes faith. - Robert Brault

The world in a raindrop by Saint Groovus Maximus

Her land suffered from long time persistent drought.
Plants and trees in this land were withered,
Her well was dried up for a long time.

Residents, animals, creatures were parched with thirst.
Looking up to sky, hoping for a little drop of water,
They wished Will it be today? Will it be tomorrow?

They heard Friedrich Nietzsche's echo -
In reality, hope is the worst evils, because it prolongs mans' torments.

All living things in this land refused to listen to that voice.
Their stubborn resistance kept her living.
It was torture. It was heart breaking.
Her lips were cracked and bled.
Would it be today? Will we have any drop of water?

Drip, drop, split, splat,
A droplet of sweet and clear liquid.
Gently, softly wet the barren desert.

Equilibrium

Life swifts from one side to the other, just like putting in a weight scale.
The invisible weight adds on one by one.
The heaviness in our lives pulls us down, down, down.

Trying to defy the gravity,
but this invisible effort doesn't seem to work.
Sad reality, but it is what it is. 

What happened to the balancing point?
Will I ever find it?

Trying to find equilibrium in my life, 
I go to yoga, inhale, exhale, breathe deeply.
I drink wine at dinner, trying to take the burden off from my shoulder.
I read books in search of finding the answer.

Will I ever meet my equilibrium?

Summer has Come and Gone

Millennium Park

“One must maintain a little bit of summer, even in the middle of winter.” 
                                                                                                     ― Henry David Thoreau

Roy Lichtenstein: A Retrospective at Art Institute of Chicago

Summer reading program : You Are What You Read in Lincoln-Belmont library

  

Water spray at Fellger Park in Roscoe village

Gold Coast Beach near by Lincoln Park Zoo

Summer has Come and Gone   

      

By Sun Hee Yoon 

What do we do in summer? 

We go to the park, to the museum, to the beach and to the library. 

We spend our days under the sun, under the shade, in the water, and by the water. 

We love to walk, run, swim and relax. 

What did I do in summer 2012? 

I made memories of life with my mom and my family.

How I missed her! Words can't describe how I feel. 

Sometimes I don't know why I feel that way.

Changes for better, changes are good. 

I can drive now, I can drive highway 90/94. 

What do I remember of this summer?

I remember the heat and humidity of the first week of July.

I remember the burning sand and cooling lake breeze on Montrose Beach.

I remember the taste of juicy watermelon out of the refrigerator.

I remember the sound of cicada's singing on a dark green summer tree. 

I remember the laziness creeping over my head, and left me shame and guilt.

I remember my mom.. her gentle grip over my hand, her voices in the house, her laugh with my little girl.

Summer has come and gone.

My mom has come and gone.

My life in Chicago still goes on.

My life must keep moving forward. 

My mom at Art Institute of Chicago

Odyssey Cruise dinner with my mom

Sensitivity Training

Sensitivity Training
By Sun Hee Yoon

In this dry land,
Emotions are neglected.

People want to know about what you know
Rather than how you feel.

Feelings are under the surface,
people live under the mask.

No matter how we disguise,
We are same human.
Your heart is thumping right now just like mine.
Your soul is searching for something just like mine.

I am a sensitive person,
Here I keep training my sensitivity.

Sun, Sun, over My Shoulder

Happiness is not far from us.
It's just hard to find it sometimes.

Happiness is cliché,
The smirk on my face proves it,
It's too trite.

The word "Happiness" is worn out.
Without moderation, it was over used.

But when I feel good, really good, I say I am happy.
I tell the truth; I say it because I feel it.

This morning,
I woke up with my daughter's humming and my husband's tickling my toes. 
Smile, a genuine smile radiates over their faces, I see mine on their eyes.

It's not the phony exaggeration,
Nor pure vanity.
It's a slice of life.
These memories form us who we are. 

Reflections are what we see.
We see what we want to see,
Or we see what we need to see.

The decisions are up to us.
Now what would you want to see?

 

Mom's night out

With my friend, Stefanie (on the left) and Monica (in the middle)

Margaritas order up,
Sip by sip, I taste the exotic cocktails with rapture. 
Strong taste of Tequila releases my tension.

Mamas,
Without kids we are free soul.
Bit by bit, I savor the creamy spinach Enchilada.
I let go of my inhibition.

Quiet voices get louder and louder,
That's ok, nobody pays attention anyway,
Feel free, drink some more.

Laughter, loud hearty laughter,
I talk loud and louder without hesitation,
No kid's watching us; I want to be a kid this time.

Having fun, I have forgotten its sensation.
I love talking, laughing, drinking, and sharing stories,
Moms get closer.
Our intimate stories, - everyone has a story to tell,-
Make our night shine. 

Motivation Deficit

Very tired,
Migraine doesn't help.

Where did enthusiasm go? 
Where did excitement go?

88 Fahrenheit degrees in the Chicago land,
People welcomes this sudden heat with short skirts, sun dresses, and gladiator sandals.
One cool dude listens rock music in his convertible.

Good for them, not for me.
Heavy air presses me down,
Strong sun ray burns my skin.

Can I just escape to the forest, to the nature,
where fresh air would cleanse my polluted lung,
the smell of grass and trees would coat over my skin.
I could sit under the tree, lay back and close my eyes for a second.
Maybe then, I might get back on my track. 

Gloomy Saturday

Saturday afternoon,
Sitting in a quiet cafe, listening K-pop that I used to lived with,
Secretly wishing for this world fully stop.

Sometimes I imagine myself sinking deep down to the ground,
Or I want to hide from everything, from everyone.
Sometimes my feet are heavy to lift up, it's hard to step forward.
Sometimes I feel like crying for no special reasons.

Looking out of the window,
Hoping to find any clue that this life is worth living,
Or hoping to find the reason why I am here.

Staring wimpy trees on the sidewalk,
Looking up grey clouds on May sky.

Am I seeing bright sunset behind the grey clouds?
Would that be the sign?

A late Saturday afternoon in May, people still keep walking.
They talk, laugh, share their lives with friends, lovers, pets,
They ride bicycle, drive on Elston ave, they wait for date, a child points at sidewalk flowers.

Life goes on,
outside of the window, there are still lives, they make their own memories.
A gentle sunset lays on them, lets them shine,
The sparkles of hope sprays on me,
I surrender to its gentleness.
I'm calm.

*   *   *

"When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate." - Ann Landers

Too many thoughts..

Too many thoughts in my brain,
too many words in the book,
very little time for recording.

Frustration is no use.
Memorization is only alternative.
How good, how far, how much?

Questions never ends,
Perhaps that's my life source to keep moving on.

I have a strong vision,
That will lead me where I truly belong,
As it always has been, it will be once again.

When I am hungry

   Hungry belly, started to grumble.
   On the edge of crabby mood, I'm looking for something to eat.
   My body, my brain, every single cell of them wants any type of nutrition,
   but I don't know what to eat.
   Extremely annoying whenever I don't know what to eat, especially when I'm insanely hungry.

   Spicy! That's what I need.
   My body wants it, my taste buds want it, my "soon-to-be" angry temper desires it.
   I search for anything spicy in my fridge, more like violently.
   Don't talk to me when I'm hungry, I'm a wild beast!

   Oh! I found a package of spicy noodle soup.
   Well, it's inconvenient to prepare all that, but maybe it's worth cooking.
   Boiling water, steamy pots, gently laying noodles in the medium pot, spicy red paste goes in small sauce pot.
   It's written to cook for three minutes and a half, but who cares?
   I know by looking when the noodles are ready.

   Yes! It's done. Noodles are soft, the sauce is ready, put them in a soup bowl together and here it is.
   I'm picking the white noodle strand with silver chopstick.
   It goes in my hungry mouth, and it tastes just right spicy.
   Not too hot, not too steamy, just perfect.

   All day I didn't have any appetite, but this spicy noodle brought my lost appetite back.
   Ha....It feels good after filling empty stomach.
   I'm glad I cooked and satisfied my hunger.
   Slowly my brain started to be activated in normal speed and started to wonder-
   why do I feel crabby when I'm hungry?
   And whenever I'm desperately hungry, why do I choose to eat spicy food?

   I don't know, but I guess that's beyond my control.
   I don't know if I can figure it out why, but at least I know how to soothe when my belly is hungry.
   In the end, that's all matter.
  
 

Relativity in Time

   When we are given the endless time,
   albeit the fact we do NOT have the endless time,
   but still we have the illusion that our time is infinite,
   we often make huge mistake, which is wasting the time.

   Let's face the reality.
   We were born, and we will die.
   We are doomed with mortality. 
   Our time is limited and we have very little time to do anything we'd like to do.
 
   Time flies, yes, that's what you hear almost every day.
   But how about your time? Does it fly, too? Or does it seem to stop?

   I have to confess, too. I used to complain about my time that it seemed to be forever.
   Nothing excited me, nothing enthused me. 
   My life seemed to arrive full stop; no action, no pure joy, just mingling and wandering.

   Now, in a retrospect, I regret myself for wasting those days.
   Youth is such a gift, but I only spent it for the perishable entertainment.
   Those years will never come back, and I feel bitter about it.

   In 2011, November 9, 4:00 p.m.
   During 2 1/2 hours of day break,
   I went to the library to select the next stories for my daughter's bed time,
   I went to grocery to buy ingredients for tonight's dinner; Lasagna,
   And, I think, I write and I reflect on myself and sketch my ideas with words.

   I appreciate that I can have day break. I really appreciate that I can drive here and there.
   I thank for the things I have in my life.
   At last, I thank for the times that I could use for better cause.

   
   

 

My Inner Disturbance

  Study hard, learn with great zeal!
  You know nothing about this world,  you young soul!
  So don't waste your time, your life,
  go back to your books and learn from them.

  Countless times of lecture after lecture,
  gotten sick of listening their empty sermon.
  My ears were coated and glazed by their 'oh-I-do-care!' attitude,
  but it only made me contemplate, 'do you really care?'

  'If you think learning is so important, why don't you read first? 
   All you do is watching television and chatting with your friends over the phone.
   Do I really see any role model?' 

   Of course, I didn't speak up.
   I wouldn't risk disturbing my zen any further by doing something stupid.
   I pretended to listen to them although I could answer back hundreds of words with bullet speed.

   Anger, frustration, devastation and isolation-
   in fact,- brought me to the world of books, literature.

   I wanted to know why this world is full of misery.
   I wanted to know why do people live with hypocrisy.
   I need to hear the answer why there are so many gaps between the knowledge and the reality.
   What is going on in this world?

   My ongoing questions will never be calm,
   I'm just taming these inner disturbance with inner strength.
   And I write, what else can I do, huh?



 

Emotional Hangover

   Tried to forget but I can't
   Feeling angry, feeling sorry, feeling all alone.
   Wished it didn't happen, but it did.

   Told myself, I need to control, I shouldn't lose myself.
   But I reached my limit, and there was an emotional explosion.
   A dynamite in a wrong place.

   I know I will be forgiven
   Once again, I'll be loved.

   But somehow the feeling of guilt resides deeply in me.
   Don't want to carry it, I want to let it go.
   Farther I throw away, but it's always coming back just like a boomerang.

   Would time solve my emotional hangover?
   I really hope so.
   Life is already complicated without feeling of guilt.

Let it rain, let it rain

   Don't stop, summer rain. 

   I love your smell, your sound, your touch.

   Pour it all over the world, and cleanse the dust and dirt. 

   Your loud voice, strong water streaming.

   I wanna dance on your rhythm.

   Don't stop now.

   Bring louder thunder with you.

   Please invite the flashy lightening, too.

   I love your intensity, your passion and power.

   Please let me feel you more.

   Let me hear you, let me dream of you.

   Don't stop now, you are my inspiration of the night.

In a merry-go-round.

   Sitting in a merry-go-round - fancy, colorful, extravagant designed ride.
   Being excited - I've waited so long to ride and I know I will enjoy it.

   The machine moves slowly, the excitement grows eagerly.
   I show the biggest smile and I see waving hands over the fence.

   One turn, two turn, getting faster and faster.
   My smile fades out - I don't know if this is supposed to be - feeling dizzy, feeling sick.

   I try to focus, try to stare one spot;
   but it's useless. I can't see a thing.

   Sooner I found out myself riding a merry-go-round.
   I should be merry, I should scream of joy, because I paid for it.

   But somehow I can't tell if this was what I asked for.
   I wish it would stop, and letting me find where I am.

   I close my eyes. I don't want to see things anymore.
   Good thing I'm wise enough not to jump from this fast twirling ride, but what else can I do?

   My inner voice tells me quietly;
   Try to find a center point in your mind. Try to enjoy the feeling of where you are.

   I listen to it and follow as it guides me.
   I hear loud yelling next to, this machine would less likely stop sooner -
   I found myself it's challenging to concentrate, in this mood in this speed.

   With deep breath, I try once more. I try to find a tranquility under the closed eyes.
   And slowly I feel the sensation of high velocity and I'm not dizzy or sick.
 
   I curl my back and cling to the horse and lean my upper body.
   A timid smile rose up, now I can say I'm enjoying this ride. Yes, I do.

Misty morning

   Drizzle, drizzle, the quiet rain falls softly on the ground.
   Is it going to be the last spring rain? I wonder.
 
   There's something magical whenever the raindrops tickle the world.
   Cars tend to go slower, people walk cautiously.
   Even the wipers on the car windshield seeming to say, "hi" with the sound of swish, swish.
 
   Is it only me thinking this way? I wonder.
   What am I trying to find this world?
   Perhaps the gift of Mother nature, that's what I'm looking for.

   We are merely a human with a wrong self-concept in ourselves.
   We think we control the world, we believe we are the top of the food chain.
   Humans tend to exploit natural goodness around us, just like some people take advantage of other's kindness. And they laugh at their victims being foolish, or they really believe being a superior than others just because their shallow trick scored.
 
   I wonder when the majority would understand this world is not built on the purpose of "taking".
   Everything comes and goes, and we are only the little part of the universe.
 

On the cliff

The strong wind blows, the heavy rain pours over me.
The wind pushes me away, the rain strikes me hard, I can't see a thing.
I hear loud voice, how far can you last in this nasty weather? Huh? You can't survive, you will fall.

I try to hang on the cliff, I don't see any safe grounds around me.
I don't know how far I can hang in here.
The feeble branch is shaking, it's not going to last any longer.

I close my eyes.
The flesh tearing wind doesn't stop, the icy cold rain keeps pouring.
My only branch is already worn out, I can't depend on it any more.

There's nothing I can do.
I tried to hang on, I did my best to stay alive, but if this is the end, I can't resist.
Everything comes and goes, every single thing has the beginning and the end.
It will be foolish to fight against the end of nature.

I still dream of two beautiful lovers.
I still dream of happy moments on St. Denis.
I still remember the peaceful sound on Mont Royal.
I hoped we could do this again with new life.

I open my eyes, staring at this branch, holding tight with my both hands.
I hear strong voice in me, you are a survivor, you will not give up.