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   Looking for some kind of mind-blowing stuff, or mind-refreshing stuff.
   Being thirsty or dying to understand of the culture, language, child's mind, life and words.

   Restless mind, not able to shut down,
   I don't want to be entertained by simple life drama.
   I'm longing for the dramatic real life story.

   Who doesn't like Drama? No one can't resist on this.

   Trying to understand why I can't stop thinking of the stories,
   What's the purpose of me sitting in the dark in the midnight, perhaps to write?
  
   Am I really able to write my own stories?
   Will I be able to make it good?
   What about distractions? What should I do with them?
   Somehow I know the answer, but it's hard to practice it.
  
   Ignore them, Sun Hee. Show them who you really are.
   You can do it, you can do it, you did it once, why not again?
   Don't think of negativity, life is still beautiful, embrace them and try to transform it in your way.
   You are able to do this! And you will! Yes, you will! 

 
  
  

Mom's diary - my new identity

   I got one hour to write this, which I'm not sure how it will turn out. There has been a strong idea in my head swirling and twirling, but every time I was about to write, life kicks in and I ended up being drifted away from the creative mood.

   It's been three weeks that my 4-year-old daughter, Sou Lynn started going her preschool. It surely had impacted on our whole life. No need to mention about the private meeting with her room teacher within a week, I've found there's something I have to accept regardless, which is being called "SouLynn's mom".

   When I drop her off to school, the friendly faces hi to me and calling me, "Hi, SouLynn's mom! How are you today?" When I pick her up from school, the new friend mom asks me, "SouLynn's mom, are you gonna go in the playground?"

   Now, I'm known as SouLynn's mom everywhere. Yes, I AM SouLynn's mom, but I also have a name. Silly me, who cares? It's my random ranting that no one really cares. Having few minutes of monolog and whistling through my nose, I tilted my head the other side and thinking about my mom.

   As long as I remember, my mom was called SunHee's mom all her life. Even at this point, I became someone else's wife and someone else's mom, my mom is still being called SunHee's mom. And my mom loved this title. One time I wondered if she would prefer to be called by her own name. And she told me, "I don't mind. I belong to you as much as you belong to me."

   My mom was always content looking at me and my brother. As if we were some sort of trophies of her own, she gazed on us long time with the happiest smile. My mom never spoke up loudly how much she loved us or care for us, but she showed us her unconditional love through her smile. And, we felt it. I always knew I have the best mom in the world, although I realized it deeply later on. 

   Being called SouLynn's mom doesn't sound so bad anymore. That's the constant reminder how much my role is crucial for my child. I belong to her as much as she belongs to me.

In a café

Haven't been this place for a while,
can't help but noticed how strong energies are gathered in this little spot.

Smiling barristers happily brewing fresh coffee, panting jogger who grab the water bottle, a mom with toddler holding hands waiting their turn.
Silver hair, mid 50' man dozing off, leaning his head back on the armchair.

Majorities are sitting behind their laptop, plugged their ears with iPod- refusing to face the people around them or desperately wanting to be connected through social network website.

What am I doing here?
I don't know, if you ask me frank answer.

I came here to read, then I felt like scribbling, and now sitting and observing others. Imagining what's their purpose of being here in this little spot- Perhaps simply an espresso coffee, or an escape from daily routine.

No matter what I think there won't be a right answer. After all, I should mind my own business. Now, I turn off my visual senses, instead I increased my hearing senses on my iPod, trying to focus on rhythm of words -its purpose on the page.