Mom's monologue; perhaps praise is all we need.

Somehow, somewhere we need to feel the appreciation of what we do. I'm 100% sure of this.
Receiving random compliment from my daughter's school parents such as "wow, you've done good job raising your girl!" or "You should be proud of yourself raising a child in a foreign land like this. She's brilliant," made me almost crying out burst. I had to hold up myself not to have teary eyes. I really felt like crying though. Those words penetrated my heart, somehow I can't explain how it happened.

All moms do our best to raise her own children. Working mom, home-staying-mom, single mom, even a mom who doesn't speak English in USA, they do whatever to meet her children's need. We love our children and we wish for them to be happy in their lives. We buy good food as much as we can, we spend dollars after dollars to make our kids to look decent. We want our children to be distinguished themselves in some area so that they can grow richer and happier in their lives, not necessary wealthier but RICHER.

Mom's wish is very simple. If one's wish is extravagant, that's her choice. But I believe most of moms want their kids to be content and be themselves. And that's what I wish for my daughter, too. I don't want to push around to do things that she doesn't like. I don't want to sit by and be nonchalant while she wants to play with me. Sometimes it's very hard to draw a line what's right choice for her and what's not. It's the constant rearranging our agenda, and being flexible and being able to read my child's mind is extremely crucial. But the truth being; it's painful, agonizing, clueless and literally losing our mind.

Mom's antenna has to be 24/7 ON all the time. It's exhausting. It's energy consuming. It's nothing like professional work. Maybe that is why mom's reward is PRICELESS - so unique and special.
   My child looks at my eyes, and says "Mom, whenever I behave well, I get your smile. So I will behave better tomorrow and the next day, and the next day! Your smile is my best reward."

As a young mom, I still have tons of doubts and questions if I make the right choice for my child. I don't think I'll ever be sure. Raising one person with unconditional love is nothing like anything else. There is no manual guideline. Maybe there shouldn't be any guideline. Listening to our children's heart and encouraging them with full support without any doubt will be likely what is supposed to be. I'm saying it, I'm writing it, but I don't know if I can practice without fail. Well, I will fail from time to time,- as what life is all about - but I'm not going to fail loving my child.

Friday: Upbeat Music Remix

To meet the deadline I've been writing late night once my daughter went to bed, usually around 9. I'm writing a memoir. It's the story from my past and it's not cheerful one to be honest. Writing deep in the night brought me quite heavy dose of sadness, and melancholy.

The manuscript is sent, it's Friday. The sun is warm, the birds sing happily on the tree branches. I need some feel-good music to spice up. These are my daughter's favorite ones when we want to shake our body.

P.S - Youtube commercial sucks! 

Kelly Clarkson - Stronger 

My little one repeats, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller, doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone.



Train - Hey, Soul Sister 

My daughter shakes her head left and right. Her closed eyes and a little smile on her lips makes me think, does she feel the rhythm?



Shakira - Waka Waka 

We started to listen to this song since the latest Worldcup. I was a huge fan of the crazy energy in the soccer stadium. I don't know the any rules in the game, but I still watch it. So does my daughter. :)




Colbie Caillat - Bubbly

I love this song! Its lyrics, rhythm, visuals, all good!! Absolutely feel-good song.



Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten 

I just heard from the local radio station on my way to drop off my daughter to her preschool. I used to love this song, and I still do.

Manuscript Deadline vs. Princess Playdate

This is exactly what's in my mind. My advanced memoir workshop deadline is today. I've been thinking, writing, rewriting, editing for two months since last time I submitted my piece to the memoir group. I'm currently participating Advanced Memoir Workshop at StoryStudio Chicago. There are ten memoir writers in our group under the guidance of Annette Gendler.

In 2011, I was still unsure if I'm qualified to write my story in English. Lack of confidence dragged my feet so long, I needed some changes in me. In cold February weather, I stepped in my first Memoir Workshop. Since then I continued taking in part of the class, now I am under production of a lengthy project that soon I'd love to submit few literary magazine. Still I'm not sure if my time and efforts of writing my story is worth it. I hope to believe so. One day, in the future, I might be proud myself looking back these years.

My reading projects;

The Glass Castle, book discussion for next Thursday. 

The Catcher in the Rye, 1/3 of the book remained to finish.

  Meanwhile, I have a larger-than-life, 4-year-old girl. She makes my life very busy, interesting, and fun. Just like any other 4-year-old girl, she loves make-believe. She likes to live in an imaginary world, and creates all strange characters in her story. Princess make-believe is one of the favorite thing for her, along with princess dress up.

My daughter's very first makeup. She was SO happy!

Although I have tons of plans, projects, dishes and laundry, when my daughter wants to go to Princess playdate I join with her. I know she will be so happy, and I want to witness what she likes and what doesn't. I might sound like a paparazzi, but I really love to take pictures of her having fun. After all, she made me who I am now, and she makes me grow every day.

Princess loyal photo shoot