Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Curious Soul

Whenever I listen to my 3-year-old daughter, her story fascinates me.
Most of time, she ignores logic, common senses, and reality. Her nonstop solo-convesation starts from the moment she wakes up and it continues whole day until she goes to bed. Her imagination and mouth seem never to be tired. 
One of unfortunate part of parenting for me is that- although I know I'm blessed to stay with my precious child during the day - we barely have recess. Average 12 hours of sticking together as if we're one body, and one is totally dependent on the other but act like she's independent. One tries to remind herself constantly that her daughter is learning and having experiment through her in order to survive in this world. But whenever it reaches the limit of her patience, she loses her control. And one second later, her feeling of guilt sweeps her away into "failed..AGAIN". 

I've been holding myself through a perspective which as if I'm looking back from further future. I try my best to be cool, and relaxed during the day. But the more I try, the worse I feel and crumble down in the end. I've put myself into certain experiment that I try to let it be - both let her be and let me be - without any expectation and any controls what-so-ever. At first, being myself didn't even occur because I was carried away by letting her be herself. Her enormous power in 35 pounds of little body raced with speed of light while I was just starting my engine. This wasn't good match. From the beginning, I was the feeble and incompetent for pulling/pushing tug of war. 

However, I've noticed some dramatic changes in me whenever I have a little distance between me and her. I started to see our similarities in a positive way. Since she resembles me -although she doesn't look like me at all - I could picture myself as a little girl like her.
A girl with tons of questions; she wants to know why everything in the world works differently.
A girl who needs a direction and guidance to help her where she's supposed to go.
A girl who has enchanting spirits that are not easily polluted or destroyed.
A girl who is not afraid to say NO while others reluctantly say yes.
And, a girl who finally realized that there is nothing more important than keeping our life real and balanced of all. 

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