Sunday, February 13, 2011

This emotional life

I am lost. 
I had a feeling that I couldn't stand on my own feet. If there was a dark cave, I would jump into it and stay there for awhile until I feel like coming out. 
I guess I wanted to hide from all. But why?? Why did I feel that way?? I don't know.

Sometimes it's really hard to recognize the emotions that I have. Out of the blue I feel extremely happy and one minute later I feel deep down blue. Isn't this called a Bipolar disorder?? Maybe.. or maybe not.
One thing I know is that I'm an extreme emotional person and sometimes I'm locked in certain feelings and hard to get out. 
Knowing this emotiona/mood swing, I just can't ignore it. Why? Why?? 
Why can't we just be logical living creature instead of emotional one? 

When a Tin woodman wanted to have a heart so badly in a story The Wizard of OZ, I knew it wouldn't be like what he wished for. Having heart made him suffer, he now then cried. He even mentioned that he never felt this kind of hurting before having a heart when he wished farewell to Dorothy.  

I've been warned thousand times from my own mother that I have to be dull on feeling. I've tried millions of times so that I don't get hurt, but it comes in vain. If I get older, if I interact less people, if I live more, then I might arrive the point that I don't feel anything. .... this really what I want? I really don't know. This life is full of questions that I can't find answers.

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