Thursday, February 10, 2011

My writing is oil painting.

To me, writing is an oil painting. 
I see the object on a beautifully arranged table with colorful flowers and crystal clear vase. It is surrounded by dramatic natural light which reveals smooth transition of light and shade. 
I love mixing with colors on a palette as much enjoying choosing words on a notebook. 
I love making strokes with brush on a canvas - it has indescribable power whenever I brush down, put more colors on top of each layer. Throughout learning oil painting, I realized at the beginning that it's very different with watercolor and oil painting. In oil painting, we put darker colors for the base and more we develop the image, the lightest and brightest color will be laid in the end. It is very opposite from watercolor painting. 
And I could easily relate to its process with our life, and in a way I felt extreme comfort when I had this epiphany. 

In the beginning of life, we don't know what we're supposed to do, we are driven by some kind of forces usually it's defined by outer sources - parents, school, academic institutions, society, the world. We come out from these various influences and by the time when we graduate the highest school we could enter - either by own's decision or parents' vacarious satisfaction - we are already defined by someone that are easily fitted into this society. Maybe it's a vain effort to ask questions during this time such as WHO AM I? WHAT AM I BORN TO? WHAT AM I GOOD AT?

Isn't it speedy global world that we need to exceed others than follow, well, in fact following is way better than leaving behind. Maybe we need to put our all effort into one thing without distraction! - SUCCESS! Success that everybody who know me can praise for, having expensive car, buying million dollar house, sending kids into the most expensive private school, buying all the top notch electronic gadget, what else?? 
Maybe that's what they call it " SUCCESS". 

In addition to this skepticism, this is what I heard the other day at the grocery while waiting for my turn at cash register. The guy in front of me was very cheerful, self-satisfied, outspoken man who could have whole conversation with total stranger. I couldn't escape but hearing his conversation with grocery clerk and his final killer sentence to the clerk as if he knew better than the others, " STOP LEARNING, START LIVING!" 

The last sentence has been lingering in my brain since then, and it doesn't seem to go away. What do you mean by Stop learning, start living? To me, the grocery clerk - obviously not more than 20 - who had sprakling eyes, nice manner, voice tone of self-assurance was just going through just one phase in order to reach better ground of his life. I couldn't tell everything about him with 2 minutes of glancing, but first impression from him was strong. He wouldn't stay as a grocery clerk for rest of his life. That was certain thing. 
But how come the middle aged guy would recommend him a so-called "life lesson" to a simple phrase which implies that "What you are doing now is wasting your time, and go out and live up for your life." How can he be so sure about what he just had said? I wondered and wondered.

It came to me very clear from many days of thinking that some people reflects their life to others without much consideration. It's always easy to be said but if he -we- could have few more minutes of thinking for others, he wouldn't spit out such thing. He would more likely said, keep up working and good luck on your study for your bright future. 

Closing my eyes and imagining my unfinished oil painting, I see all those unbalanced colors and rough brush strokes. It doesn't have much figurative image yet. But I see dedicated effort to keep trying to find its best work. I see its various attempt to try new techniques and skills that newly acquired. This might look like crazy abstract piece but I keep painting on it. And one day, in the future, I know I will gladly draw the lightest and brightest color to finalize my painting. 

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