My dear friend Stacey.
This beautiful midnight on mid-March, I just finished reading chapter 6 of The Liar's club by Mary Karr. I had trouble to connect the story few days ago and this time, I wanted to force myself to finish it. Not because it's a discussion piece in Memoir class which I'm attending next Tuesday, but I wanted to listen to her story.
Whenever I hear stories from people, any people, I try to imagine their life and try to feel what they must have felt during that period. When people say something, especially when they write about it, it's because they think about it more often. At least, it is true in my case. There are certain things, events or memories lingering in my brain and I can't help myself but talk or write about them.
Tonight, I'm thinking of you, my friend. I have mixed feeling whenever I think of you. Recently, the feeling of guilt has grown since I heard that you are moving to Boston in August. I felt like I'm ineligible to be called your friend.
I blamed myself not being so close since you moved to Springfield. I could call you at least once a week, I could e-mail you once a month, I could drive down to Springfield since I got my driver license. I could do all of these things but I couldn't do any of these. I don't want to highlight my lame excuses such as my writing classes and SL's all kinds of classes and play-dates. I just want you to know how I think of you, whenever I want to call your name.
Do you remember when you told me that you were moving to Springfield in August, 2009? Do you remember my face and tears? My heart was wrenching by shocking news. There were so many words, and talks that I wanted to share. But I didn't know where to start. My words couldn't convey fully what I had felt then.
You've seen me for more than a year by then, since we met in spring 2008 at Lincoln-Belmont library. We visited there individually, pushing our girls' stroller. No matter how we can describe our first encountering, I still believe it was strong force of destiny which we were meant to be collided, in right time, right place.
I clearly remember how desperate I was to meet new friends in new town, and I wasn't confident to speak English in public place. When I finally got confidence to visit local library, by the way, I had to make sentences beforehand to ask a librarian concerning story time for little ones. As you know, I was scared to talk to anybody and I didn't want to make myself embarrassed and get reddish face. I wanted to be natural even if I couldn't understand their fast speed sentence, I wanted to try.
There, you showed up right behind me.
"Oh! There is a story time at Barns & Nobles on Clybourn. If you wanna go there, I can give you a lift and take our girls together."
Stacey..you were there. You were there to lift my spirit and gave me an assurance that someone from somewhere listens to my feeble voice.
How can I forget your first sentence that you ever talked to me? You lighted up my life with your gentle and warm kindness in the darkest time. You listened to me whenever I underwent intense stress and isolation throughout the toughest time of my life. You understood me and felt my pain as if you were the other side of me. You taught me how to laugh, how to enjoy the moments although I felt like I was dying.
You are a genuine person who shines everybody around you spirit bright.
You are an intelligent person who can speak up ideas and thoughts so fluently.
You are the most generous, thoughtful and kind person I ever met.
You also taught me that I shouldn't litter the a garbage piece on the alley.
I'm extremely lucky to know a wonderful person, Stacey Grant. I want you to know one thing which matters to me the most- you reside in my deepest heart, and you will be there forever. I love you.