Friday, September 16, 2011

Endless Realization

   I never thought being a parent is such a hard job. It's been four years that I've been calling myself a "mom".

   In a life, there are things we get used to it as time goes and get comfortable doing it or get confidence in it. I have to admit being a mom isn't that category.
   Once my little person was born in the LaSalle hospital in Montreal in July, 2007, I thought my job was done for a while. At that precise moment my mom warned me, " you were lucky when the baby was in your belly." I never understood this comment. My huge belly at the last month of pregnancy was not so pleasant. I was looking at myself into a mirror and saying," please come out baby! Let me feel like before."
   I was wrong, in fact, very wrong. Everything seemed odd and accelerating against my wish. I couldn't sleep, couldn't sit and eat and rest. This little newborn drove me insane. One point I was so resentful about everything and everyone. Why nobody warned me this would happen beforehand?? Is it happening to every mom? I stared harshly at happy looking mom on the cover of magazine. She's faking! That's phony concept! I even hated myself fooled by it. My dreamy eyes opened up widely in a reality. Yes, it was time to face the reality and deal with it.
   Did I cry a lot? Sure, you bet! Did I torment myself? Absolutely! Did I scream, yell and punch the pillow? Yes, I did. I was on the verge on insanity.

   Some says time heals everything. I guess that's the phrase of the wisdom. Already four years passed since then. Now I'm sitting in a cafe, writing my story while my daughter is in her preschool. I never thought this would happen. Well, it's not true. I was hoping for it for a long time, but it seemed too far to reach it. But it turned out it was not that far. I got what I wanted to have such a long time - tranquility and serenity.

   Sometimes I wake up and hear my daughter's humming in her bed, being content, showing me the brightest smile in the morning. I think to myself, what a gift I've got here.
   It is not an easy road that I've chosen, but look at her! How beautiful she is! How wonderfully she's grown! This is the price I get - her being content and showing me the innocent smile. I don't know what kind of obstacles and challenges lie in front of us, but one sure thing I know is I'll be there for her no matter what, no matter where. She's born from my body, and I'm born to be her mom. Indeed, I'm her mom.

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