Wednesday, December 22, 2010

My story - Secret

This is the question I'm asking all the time, 'Who am I?' 
'What am I doing here?', 'Is this all worth to try and put my effort?' 

I have to tell you a secret. 
I hate wasting. 
I hate horribly wasting my time, wasting my energy, even I detest wasting my food on the plate. 

I hate expecting something it's not gonna be real. 
I hate fake friendship, I hate people looking at me or talking to me as if I don't know because I take time what to talk. 
I hate their impatience. I hate their eye-rolling.
I hate people who don't respect me as I respect them. 
I hate to see from people that they assume I don't know, because I'm thinking, not talking back or arguing with them. 
It's not my fault that I have to speak 2 languages, sometimes 3, not only 1. 
It's really frustrating when I try to explain something in English which isn't my mother tongue, at least I'm trying, but all I get from them - impatient people- is that, " So....what are you trying to say? What's that?" 
 'Oh!! Please, give me a break! If you were paying attention what I was saying, you'd get the idea.' 

I hate people treat me as a rival.
I hate people who thinks they should be better than me.
I hate competition. I hate jealous people.
I can't stand their idea that they have to have same thing whatever others have. 
 'Why do we have to be same???
 Why do we have to alike?? 
 Why can we just be satisfied who we are? 
 Why can't it be agreed that we are different, and that's fine.
 You are you, I'm me, that makes this world beautiful.
 Your life is totally different than mine. As much I don't know about you, you don't know about me.
 So why do we have to run for same thing???' 

I don't want to be a bitter person. I hate being 'Hater"
There are countless insanities in this world and it's really tough to observe them with sanity, with clear consciousness. 
However, I'd like to stay in calm. I don't want to be disturbed. 
I wish they leave me alone so I can fight my own enemy, myself. 

I'm in battle everyday with myself. 
I have to fight against laziness, I need to win over temptation. 
I need to discipline myself, because I'm not perfect. 
I'm merely a human being but I'm trying to reach something greater in me.
And it takes a lot of energy, self-discipline, and courage.
I don't need someone who tells me, "Oh, so you think you can make it?"
I need someone who cheers me up when I'm down, I need someone who can clap me when I'm good,
I need someone that I can smile together and have fun to make our lives worthwhile.  

I need good friends and I'll be 100% their good friend. 

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