Monday, April 11, 2011

Mom's diary - 4.11.2011 "Carpe diem"

I've been very busy.
But do you what? I really, really missed being busy.
I used to live my days with full of plans, meetings, discussions, etc. I felt being alive through human connections. The people that I met were the proof of my existence. I needed to see the evidence that I was a living creature.
We met, we talked, we laughed and we shared our lives.
I missed people. I missed the taste of life.

Since we moved to Chicago, I felt like I was slowly disappearing, and nobody would notice either I existed.
Have you heard of the phrase, " the unbearable lightness of being"??
I was a wife, I was a mom of new-born, but that didn't give me an assurance of being myself.
Was I greedy? Why didn't I appreciate what I had? What was the problem? 
I don't know.. I'm still figuring out. There must be reasons why I was very desperate.

However, that's the past. Tonight, I don't want to be sad thinking about what had happened then.
Yes, the pain is still in my heart. It will be there forever. But I'm not in that mood tonight.

Carpe diem!
I learned this cliché phrase long time ago, and I fell in love with it. I am still in love with this phrase. No, it's even more alive as I get older.
This two words pop out from my head when I saw the tiny buds on the tree branches. We just got out of your Kiddie College at Brands park, you were so excited to have snack in the car, and my two seconds of glancing at outer world, I found this beauty of nature. I couldn't just ignore it.
It was the new leaves, so delicate, so tiny, so fragile. And I know it will grow with speed of light before we even notice, then we will have full of green leaves everywhere. By then it will be already hot summer.

   "Sou Lynn, Come over here! Look at these little bud. Do you see how tiny they are?
    Touch them very gently.
    They are baby leaves and they will grow and grow just like you are growing every day."

My daughter,
I want you to realize there are beauties everywhere in this world. You just need to keep this eyes to see them.
Whenever you are down, feeling sad, look around! You will find plenty of miracles and wonders that would wash your worries away.
And, this is also what I have to keep in my mind.
I shouldn't forget this old-fashioned phrase that everybody seems to know, yet most people tend to forget easily, "seize the day!"

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