Monday, April 18, 2011

Mom's diary 4.18.2011 - Respect your mother!

I think I'm doing my best, but it is never enough.
All I get from you is "I want more! I want this and that!"
Do you think I'm your forever slave or something?

I raised you for 9 months inside my womb.
It took me 18 hours to deliver you in this world.
My bones and skin got all distorted by hard labor.

When I held you for the first time, I promised I wouldn't let anything hurt you.
You were my most precious in this world, and you still are.
I'm trying hard to protect you, to guide you, to nurture you but I don't know why you don't see it.
And I don't understand why you keep hurting my feelings while I'm trying to help you.

People say it's just phase, it will pass, it's just temporary.
People say all sort of things but nothing really explains why I should continue getting hurt by you.
Am I not good enough to raise a child? Am I doing something wrong?
Should I regret having a child right now? Should I make you feel what I feel?
What's the point of all these anyway?

Maybe it's too early to expect from 3-year-old to respect her mom. No, it shouldn't be.
A habit settles from age of 3, so if I just let you be/go, then you will grow up with attitude of "whatever" without thanking your mom. The last thing I would love to see from you is being selfish and ungrateful without respecting your parents who gave you a birth and raised you with full sacrifice. By all means, I'm toward to your safety, well-being and happiness before mine. My parenting method is not going to work without sacrifice of my own.

I know you will grow up, you will go to school, you will find your friends before finding me.
But remember, you wouldn't be here without me. I'm your mom and you are my daughter.
And... to me..
No matter how hard this parenting road is I have to deal with it. Because this was my choice.

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